Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
