My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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