I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
