Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Mom said you looked used
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
