i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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