You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I supernannyed him into submission
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize