I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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