I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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