I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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