I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
