Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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