I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm jealous of your bromance
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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