I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
