this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
