Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
