By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
sick fucks of a feather flock together
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
