I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
