you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
