Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
