I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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