The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
