i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
