Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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