I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
