I wanna bring you to show and tell
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
