I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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