Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
