What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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