i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
