My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Damn victory sex feels great
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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