I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
