Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
no you cant smoke seaweed
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
