The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Randomize
