Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
