you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
