i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
