Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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