My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
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Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
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what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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