Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
too bad you live with your parents still
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
