Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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