member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
