I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
