I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
