PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
