he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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