I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
