i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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