your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
