I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
