My room smells like vodka and shame
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
