This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
