Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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