Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
