I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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