Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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