4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
