was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
