HIV tests are more positive than that guy
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
