I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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