new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
