Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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