I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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