I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
