I think I died a long time ago.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
