Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
