They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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