Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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